The second month of 2019 just started and I feel stuck. 30 days ago I was full of hopes and did literally feel the fresh breeze of new possibilities coming into my life. Where did it go? The year was supposed to sky rocket with my trip to Amsterdam on the 23rd. Couldn’t wait to get out of my routine and go to see the man I fancied the most. How did I end up? Sat in tears on the stairs in front of the hotel we were supposed to be staying in – with nowhere to go. Thank god for 2019 full of Airbnbs and kindness of strangers. Still though – dream trip went to hell.
Last night a friend of mine texted me he wants to see me. As we had bit of a chemistry going on, I was quite excited to share few moments of my life with him. Just to sit in his car and being exposed to a cold shower of his words “We are staying with my ex for kid’s sake.”. Later on he bailed on me in the bar, telling me he is coming back – in an hour time I got a text he is not going to lie to me, but is just waiting for his ex to fall asleep so he can sneak out again. Who in the hell would fancy a man like this? There I was again – sitting on the bar, sipping my tea and watching mating rituals of all of the drunk people around me.
I got my hopes still up though as I have a date coming up on Sunday afternoon! So I get home, take off my make-up and apply a layer of castor oil on my lashes to make them nice and lush for the next day. In the morning I bat them open to a text that my date reconsidered and decided to cancel.
Oh really, this is the last bit. Not that I would still rely on other people to get me out of my dump, I am already 25 after all. But it does not feel too good to be constantly ditched. As I am a millennial girl, I have seen plenty of inspirational YouTube videos. Yes, call it my natural habitat. The universe is sending me a message! DO NOT DATE! Focus on something else. Also – in two months time I will be in Glasgow. Yes, another part of my 2019 adventure – fingers crossed it doesn’t go to shit similar to Amsterdam. That said – who would like to date and risk the possibility of getting emotionally attached right before leaving for few weeks, aye? Definitely not me.
3rd of February 2019 to-do-list :
Tidy up your god damn room /cos as mamma and internet says – clean room, clean mind/, make the blog look presentable, don’t feel sorry for yourself too much and kick your own ass.
P.S. I just learned that “stucked” does not exist and it is a mistake commonly made by English children, as the right form is “stuck”. Day not wasted, gained some proper new knowledge!